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Museum of Crime and Punishment Will Have Carter Presidency Wing

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The National Museum of Crime and Punishment, which opened last week, will feature a special wing dedicated to "any and all hideous aspects of the Jimmy Carter presidency," sources said with semi-straight faces.

God Ignoring NBA Playoffs Again

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God won't be taking prayer requests from hopeful NBA fans and players for the seventh straight year, sources said yesterday.

China Completes 22-Mile Bridge, Nearly Complete With Statement Explaining Bridge's Eventual Collapse

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China completed what it hailed as the "world's longest sea-bridge" Thursday, offering a much-needed route into Shanghai. It will provide convenience and traffic relief until it collapses.

Global Timeshares

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Exploring the globe is a long-term goal for many of us, but travel can be expensive, especially in terms of securing accommodation. One alternative to renting a hotel room every time you travel to a new destination is to buy a timeshare

NY Philharmonic Realizes It Played "Crush The Yankee Imperialist Then Eat Their Tasty Dogs" To North Korean Hosts

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The New York Philharmonic revealed a "major blunder" yesterday, when the esteemed orchestra admitted it played "Crush The Yankee Imperialist Then Eat Their Tasty Dogs" during a concert in North Korea last week.

Idaho's Four Gay Residents Voice Support For Sen. Larry Craig

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The "entire" gay population of Idaho, four strong, announced "unequivocal" support for embattled Sen. Larry Craig yesterday, saying they'll "stick with him through it all."

Leona Helmsley's Dog Indicted for Betting on Football

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Trouble, the dog of Leona Helmsley, has been arrest for illegal football betting.

Barry Bonds Home Run Record Gives Regrets to Steroids

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Sure, he's on the cusp of breaking Hank Aaron's home run record. But the guilt has to be getting to Barry Bonds. Perhaps Bud Selig can show him what a wonderful game it is - doped up or not!

Tammy Faye Now 3.5 Pound Purse

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CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Former televangelist Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner announced that she has stopped treating her cancer and that her weight has dropped to 3.5 lbs.

President Bush Plans to Spend All His New Money Probing Gasoline Prices

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President George W. Bush spoke at a press conference yesterday, taking time to discuss the recent rise of U.S. gas prices.